its one of the biggest things that ever happened
it changed everything forever
it happened over a thousand years ago
yet its direct consequences were felt
on a colossal scale
for many centuries
and its repercussions are still keenly seen and felt today
...
plus
its very very funny
...
it concerns some folks
who went messin’ where you shouldn’t go messin’
some guys
who went on a quest
a spiritual quest, a holy quest
for Immortality
The Secret Of Eternal Life
...
is about these Taoist Chinese scholars
chemists, alchemists
who were better at what they did
purifying and mixing powders
than anyone before in all of Human History
better than the Greeks, the Egyptians, the Babylonians
is about some monks who went off on a very serious experimental journey
for two hundred years
in search of an elixir of eternal life
...
...
i’ve been laughing for almost twenty years
yet am i the only person who’s realised how extremely funny it is?
maybe
...
its in Noah Huvari’s SAPIENS
yet he tells it straight
and can’t have realised just how funny it is
...
...
while the unfunny thing is that
to find out what it is
you might have to go behind the paywall of The Bucket Of Unused Ideas
but hey
its just one of 800 or so ideas stories poems
jokes quotes anecdotes facts verses choruses
and ideas again
it’ll cost you just a fiver for a month
and its a right bargain
...
...
while
to achieve the funniest thing that ever happened
it took an institution of devout Taoist scholars a whole two hundred years
maybe more
mixing powders, liquids, burnt seed-pods
combining lead, solve-stone, mercury, arsenic, sulphur, aristolochia, and more
six seven eight generations of monks
mixing powders
working away, trying, for decades
trying, failing, failing again, failing again...
learning constantly, maybe
improving constantly, maybe
solve-stone, sulphur, aristolochia
following dead ends, maybe, for decades
and trying failing learning
for a century, more
till they scented glimmering success in some smouldering
some smoke
some heat
some light
under their pestle in the mortar
...
and these guys ?
they were profoundly religious
and so
because they were so very holy, spiritual, devout
they spent decades in intense commitment
convincing themselves they were ever closer to their great goal
their spiritual culmination
their holiest achievement
the secret of eternal life
...
and so continued
as avidly as ever
perfecting, improving, intensifying
and purifying, ever ever purifying
until they created something very different to their beautiful goal
something entirely different
something that pretty much could not be any more different
for they created...
human destruction...
on a scale never known
...
could this be described as the greatest failure of all time?
perhaps ...
...
...
so this funniest-thing story-angle-event is very big
very dark and
a supreme irony
because, well, you gotta laugh
at human hubris
that such an exalted goal could turn out so historically cataclysmic
...
for they aimed celestially high
yet they ended in the furthest depths of the human abyss
...
for they went messing where you shouldn’t go messing
and the tale of Frankenstein’s Monster
[Oh My God, what have i created]
or of the Sorcerer’s Apprentice
they have nothing on this story
which actually happened
the biggest invention in all of history
...
...
while another unfunny thing might be that
once you’re behind the paywall
and have access to The Bucket
which is the 800+ pieces in completely random order
well, once you’re there
its just one of the very many
so you’ll have to keep looking
till you find it
and it might take a while
...
yet the journey there,
short or long,
will be brimming with notions
new notions
original notions
ideas, stuff
food for the mind
...
...
and the folk who are already wandering through The Bucket
who have dunked their heads in its never-been-done-before-ness
they seem to be thoroughly enjoying themselves
...
...
while those guys
those Uber-failures
over a millennia ago
when their mixtures started a-smoking and a-smouldering
they must’ve thought they were achieving their great design
were close so close to their holiest of holy goals
perhaps the greatest of all human ambitions
would achieve immortality
but instead
whoops ...
there goes the next twelve hundred years
whoops ...
there goes hundreds of millions of lives
...
could this fantastic failure be considered the greatest of all failures ever?
...
and you know how good they had to be
to do what they did?
they had to be much better than anyone else
you know how difficult it is
to do what they did?
to create those ingredients with such unprecedented purity?
its extremely incredibly mind-blowingly difficult
which is why no-one else had ever done it
...
and only because they were so smart
so good at what they did
so diligent, tireless, brilliant
could they achieve this
...
and only because they had such a very high goal
were they so driven to spend their whole lives striving for that goal
so it was lifespan after lifespan
of a succession of brilliant men
until... the first smoulder
and then a bigger smoulder
and soon...
...
if they hadn’t had such a holy purpose
would it ever have been achieved?
certainly not so early in human history
...
...
i do think you might laugh when you find it
...
you might even agree its the funniest thing that ever happened
...
...
...
...
...
another take on all this might be
that these Monks’ attempt to break the laws of life
and live forever
was a blasphemy
that they had tried to contravene the very laws of nature
and that Nature
in response
cursed them
their world
their species,
us
...
and that we
our species
has been cursed ever since
by this means of Mass Death
for it has certainly been a curse
destruction, death, misery
the redirection of science, of learning
destruction like never before...
...
...
...
...
...
a collective cultic obsession the world still suffers from?
...
...
...
...
“they were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off”?
...
...
...
...
...
...
instead the ripples grew bigger with the centuries
from this most seismic of discoveries...
...
...
...
...
WELL, WE’RE NOT GONNA LIVE FOREVER
BUT WE CAN BLOW A LOT OF PEOPLE UP
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
g
...
...
u
...
...
...
n
...
...
...
...
p
...
...
...
o
...
...
w
...
d
...
e
r
...
...
BANG
…